Embodied Blogs

True Meeting

I subscribe to my whirling mind of emotions aligning to the translucent threads. These strands are numerous, embracing, holding and forming around me.  Within each strand holds a key note, a sound, a song, a vibration. When plucked it can be played delicately, feverishly or all spaces in between.

The tones start off softly, I barely recognized them. Before I make way to the numerous tracks of my mind, I reach deep into myself and align with allowing myself to meet me.

 I observe myself when I come to such a position.  I notice myself hesitate for a flicker of a moment. I know I shouldn’t be afraid but I am a little. What will come up? Have I not been meeting myself? I thought I have been…no there is more.  

I am in the present once again and express my intention. I would like to meet myself. Calmly, I assure myself there is always a new part of my lens I can look through. 

My song is being created not for me but by me. My created songs are within me. Some are old and some are older than I know. There are songs of the recent past and present. All of these songs wait for the nod of my thoughts.

I am at the threshold, I signal. Here it starts, the river runs and spills over and onto the chords. The sound begins, I hear... it’s beautiful...I recognize it and become comfortable with this awareness. I allow the tempo to continue, there is movement from my structure.  My container moves and shapes with the songs.

Moving deeper I am able to feel this depth of awareness as I walk this world. I am traveling outside of my boundaries…no longer am I comforted by what was.… Knowing what was, I leave it all behind…I am deep into meeting myself.

I am deep into thought and expression in my essence of being. Swells of expression are swirling, in one instant rising with the tide and then moving deep into the caves. The insistent movement echoes off the smooth well-worn walls of the womb, each layer sounds as it carries the messages to my core. My senses are bombarded. I struggle, it’s loud.  I confess it’s me, it’s me….I am touched deeply.

Nature is communicating to me… it is so tender…has it been so long ago since we were together like this?  I heard you as I walked out doors, I stopped and picked up a wounded dragon fly and placed it onto my finger. As I held this little creature of nature I spoke to it of its beauty and felt the priceless moment of our meeting.

My heart expanded with emotion, holding me in this song, bellowing from the highest, the ultimate creation----being in relationship. The cords are struck, my song is played, I am in this one moment meeting myself and meeting other.

I gently place my outreached finger next to the shrub and gently encourage the dragonfly to perch on the leaf. As I look at the dragonfly I tell him he is so special and beautiful.  Knowing just as we have met and shared he will continue on his journey and meet others.

Another threshold, another meeting, only this time it’s turbulent….

Connecting deep into the catacombs of my mind, the still waters are ever ready to greet the new. My most recent activity shows my suppliant side of meeting the gallows.  I am caught…bringing me to my knees. 

I lose myself, giving up, no longer carrying my notes or song.  I recede into blackness and emptiness.  While others carry me in to the regents of their cacophony of strings, no longer am I connected to my structure…knowing only what others have tossed me in. I have no truth no container just whimsical notes. This leads me to an unfortunate destiny...I spin and spin churning in the waves of chaotic moments…where am I, who am I, what am I? The meeting or no meeting has my attention. 

The journey of seeing and witnessing the strength of my inner self in these moments meeting in nature highlights for me a crucible position. The trials that we set for ourselves can be the most sublime or the most challenging, yet when all is said and done they are both one in the same.

These sojourns have given me ample time to look deeply at myself, noting the position of my inner strength with the intimate nature of my heart. I have given myself the opportunity to meet my pain, my compassion and from this position bursting forth into ecstasy and fulfilling within me the one true meeting - myself.

Felisha Gold CVP, CPT